Rahulogy

Moronic Verses

2007-08-22T12:21:00.000+05:30

Life is beautiful and it will remain as it is… as long as morons don’t end up with half-hearted feelings of ambiguity. Wondering and Pondering are two beautiful past-time of we Indians, i.e., at the end of the day we are in a deep hallucinated state of what we have done, what we are doing and what we will be doing. What-so-ever, we are proud to be an Indian at the 60th Milestone of Indian Independence, leaving enough space for few stray dogs to urinate on it.

“Yes Sir”, “No Sir” – The “Sir” is a word or something more than that… we use to show our gratitude to our elders and superiors. But, for me it’s nothing more than a Colonial Stigma, a blot which hasn’t left our mind since 1947. I simply wonder and ponder how many Indians had really been received a “Knighthood” from the Queen or is it a virus of our ambiguous minds.

In the traffic, on the road… even a rider on a LUNA or a driver on a BMW will try to overtake each other to symbolize their spirit “Hum Kisi Se Kum Nahin!!!” but both the enthusiast doesn’t know the conditions of road on which they are zooming in. On the other hand, I am just out of words for the politicians, government authorities, mass-media people and many more... that follows the concept of “Indian Crabs”. All of them carved their own initials on the banyan tree of Indian Social System. All of them are highly incorporated within the lies and super-lies which eventually give us uncountable deception points, and if you ever try to connect these points – the end result will be an unimaginable 3D diagram on an unimaginable social space.

Have you ever questioned why Indians are good in IT?? Simple answer we are good in Pointers – (quite similar to the Pointers in C/ C++). If anything happens (read it as heavenly bad) the pointer systems takes it over and at the end you get an answer based on process was bad, but very few try to eliminate the bug within the system.

At the end of 60th year, all we can say India is now having a booming economy, booming lifestyle, going-to-be-boomed government (Indo-US Nuke 123 Crisis) and booming morons. Welcome to the era of “Indian Boomerang”, an era full of morons and their “Moronic Verses”.

Blogged Mind

2007-07-11T15:45:00.000+05:30

Ask any netizen, what he or she does ??- blogging! under my silent lips, I always utter "Fuck Me!". Blogging is not a crime, I would rather call it a virtual-world for upcoming and downpouring writers. From many centuries we had gone through or still going through many books written by William "SexSphere" and all I can conclude, you need a Oxford's dictionary to crack some spheres out of it! William is exclusive and many writers of his era too lived with such exclusiveness. But look at the blogs, by the time you start to read you mostly end up at turning pages of your old english dictionary! and by the end you realise you had just discovered one more "SexSphere". Shelf it off!!

Blogging is all about creativity and some are or most of them quite better than regular writers. But a man like me who have a myriad mind set and an un-intentionally low on IQ, needs a simpler understanding. Every writer says - " I am a writer for mass" and every mechanical engineer says - "I hate the writers who wrote THE THEORY OF MASS TRANSFER". It's all about the perception which constitutes in our mind and later on which propogates into a divergent thinking, but all we should look at a convergent outcome (such a rarity indeed!).

Blog your thoughts, Blog your life, Blog your beliefs, Blog your society, Blog your every god damn reason of your own existance, but do it in a simpler manner, so that others can really get your point of blogging. We don't need to be a literary genius or an intellectual "guru", all we need to understand the nitty gritties of being one-self for mass.

P.S: I wrote this lines only after reading 100s of blogs on web, where I found there is a greater imbalance between the thought processes of writers and what they really pursue in their day to day lives.

Confession

2007-05-26T11:29:00.000+05:30

I would like to apologize from my deepest part of my heart, where blood is gushing from lower ventricle to upper ventricle with a feeling of guilt, to all my loyal readers for me going into a hibernation phase without issuing a prior notice. This particular phase was very much enlightening for me and for my surroundings. I fell in love, I jumped in love, I danced in love, I did bungee jumping in love, I did everything which were ought to be done and the good thing is I am still doing it.

I have a bunch of happenings – some are funny, some are emotionally funny, some are tragedically funny, some are horribly funny.

So,
“ Meherbaan, Qadardaan and mere jaise highly innovative shaitan. Just Get Ready – Rahulogy is Back!!”

Sunday Post

2006-05-19T21:58:00.000+05:30

At this age of neo-liberalized society where we Indians are bloody confused and still we prefer to say “my heart is going garden garden (Mera Dil Baag Baag Horiya Hai)”, each day starts with new issues, which eventually ends up into a bloody mess. As a not-so-famous saying goes – “You can put an ape in a public school. But it’s not going to develop a public school accent”, is totally applicable on us. On a beautiful Sunday morning, you wake up arround 7:30 am, put on the radio at 8 am, the radio jockeys arround the country start blaring there non-stop verbal assault by asking silly questions like “ What scares you the most – a lizard or a rat?”, Forget the lizard, eat the rat. By the time you enter the toilet Himesh Reshamiya (of Sa-Re-Ga-Ma fame) cries at highest decibel through you stupid radio and his words are “Ek baar aaja aaja aajaa…Jhalak Dhikla jaaa…. Ek baar aaja aaja aajaa…” which as I believe a “Next Gen Potty-Pressure” Song and If you are suffering from loose motion (a very unfortunate condition, God forbids that), please put a plug behind or else buy a new bottle of Harpic Toilet Cleaner.

After taking a so-called peaceful shower, you hit the TV on your breakfast, Arjun Singh’s little Langot (underwear) enemies doing round of demonstrations for Anti-Reservation Status and the irony is Government’s very own three central organizations gave data for reservation requirement on pseudo-super imposed digital figures. If Ramanujam & Aryabhatta were alive, both would have lost their brains and balls after seeing the plight of Indian Statistical Sciences. Who cares? Then you decide to take a drive to your nearest friend with an over-whelming thought for having a cup of coffee at the nearest Mocha or Barista, you pick up your friend and as usually he is on Ga-Ga mode about his girlfriend. “Bhain de takke ka yeh private mater hai”, so what-> whole country is now very open. Everything is public now; even companies are going through IPO (Initial Public Offering) boom. Mumbai Dance Bar Girls Association is also looking for such option, lets hope their Initial Public Offering would be a Long-Lasting Public Offering - definitely at certain Marked Retail Price and sooner their will be new courses at IIMs like PGDBA or PGDBM – Prostitution Management (49.99% seats reserved for OBCs) with guest lectures from eminent Mumbai dance bar girls.

At 12 pm, you decide to pick up your girlfriend; she gets into your car and replaces the radio jockey. Previously you had an option to switch off the radio but what about this livewire? Forget it for your own safety and concentrate on the road for others safety. As soon as you hit the junction, a beggar comes at your window and says “Saab, aapki jodi salamat rahe… bibiji aapke ghar ko swarg bana degi” and you look at your girl’s face, she smiles back with a cunning attitude and your neurons gets activated with a thought like “Ghar ko agar yeh swarg banaaigi… toh mujhe yeh swargwasi banaigi.” You give Rs 2 to the beggar for the early warning and wish him a long live through your deepest part of your heart (As for a normal Indian Beggar life expectancy is upto 30yrs, since most of them are knocked down by rich peoples kids during their real life Need-For-Speed stunts). After the lunch you take your girl to your home, by the time you enter -> From Mrs. Patnekar to Mrs. Bhatia all have already peeped in and out! Just to make a confirmation regarding your sexual orientation - whether you are straight or not. Then starts the higher-level interrogation, your girl ask you everything, mainly whom you met through the morning. Mostly you do end up by putting an extra effort to convince her that by meeting few close male friends doesn’t makes you a homosexual maniac (Better from next time do mention about Mrs. Bhatia’s eldest daughter Saloni). Then you try to be little bit cozy with her, and she stops you and ask you – “I want an Emraan Hashmi type kiss” and your reacting words are “You want a Monkey Kiss, I thought you would have preferred a French kiss”. By the time you leave your bed, you give an honorary salute to Emraan Hashmi the Monkey; it’s because of him your Sunday is always like you have re-written the Kamasutra practically.

With the approaching evening, you both decide for a short drive to the nearest open space but eventually you end up at McDonald’s to strike of your post-sex hunger which is much more logical after bedroom warfare. Anyway here you meet the kids in red shorts, blue skirts, yellow tees like you have entered into a Disneyland, and McDee Uncle’s statue across the bench adds up as a nice topping. Then you try to give an order; 2 Mc Maharaja with extra cheese, 2 French fries, 2 extra large cokes, 2 McSwirl, 1 Mexican Chicken Pan. ……Breaaaaak!!!!! Here comes the devine voice –“Honey!! What’s happening to your appetite? Yuck, now I came to know why my sweetie has a well grown cute little disgusting tummy”, this statement is a reckoning one. Finally you end up with 1 McAloo Tikki without cheese with a glass of water and your girl enjoying a heavenly meal that also on your account. By 8pm, you try your level best to drop her at her place and with your empty stomach you drop yourself at some friend’s place. You cook some instant noodles and some baked beans, which you eat like a refugee-just thrown out of Bangladesh.

At 10pm, your friend’s opens up few Romanov Vodka Bottles and in the back ground they put on some music especially JIM MORRISION (the doors). By the time you try to collect your legs for the return journey to your heaven, you keep swinging from one end to another like a pendulum of irregular frequencies and eventually you hit the main door of your friend’s house. With a bump of size of “Vataka Vada – Stuff Potato” on your head you try to recollect the memories of the day on 6X4 feet bed. You smile in a confused manner with a belief that this same cycle of events will repeat all over again in upcoming next Sunday, with newly acquired boldness you try to prepare your mind for the tomorrow where life will get back to the original position .... same work , same people, same damn schedules and same bloody hell!

India, the land of profanity

2006-04-16T12:24:00.000+05:30

[The written material of this blog is very much inflammatory, so users discretions is well accepted]

“Oye Bhain Di, Hindi bolti hai?”- The opening lines spoken by Aamir Khan in Rang De Basanti has given enough explanation how the cult of profanity has gone deep-rooted into our society. Any way, few months ago, when I paid a self-surprise visit to my old school, I found many small toddlers speaking well-versed “gaalis” fluently, better we should forget about their Hindi lessons. As time has passed, the acceptability of such vocabulary has given upper hand to the people to express their feelings in a different way. Many of them believe it’s a best way to express one’s feeling in a better way. Those days had gone when people usually used such words with a grudge. They are now more polite with a punch like “ Bhain ke lode, kal phone kyun nahin kiya??”

The melancholies of such words are different through various points of views. As a musician composes a beautiful masterpiece by using various notes, the same way common junta composes their own kind of profanity based words. Elite people prefer to use English, just to prove how well they are using their high education for a perfect disposal.

Just take an example of an engineering college, a student comes out of a room after a gruesome journal submission cum viva, he shoots – “ Maa ke Lode ne aaj meri gaand maar di!” His friend on his support says- “ Gaand aur Doodh jab phat-ta hai, tab awaaaz nahin aati. Hahahaha”. Just see the flow of ideas and information! I simply can’t believe it; the system of natural human communication has evolved into such lower degree of expressions.

Don’t mind!! Even girls are also playing a pivotal role. If you don’t believe my words, just do drop by nearest hang out zone of cities like Bangalore, Pune or Delhi you will find the word “Fuck” with a feminine touch on a Play & Rewind list. So, if you ever considering to hear “Madder Chod” from a Behari, the 21st century girl in reply will shoot “You!! MOTHER FUCKER” – The instant Hindi-To-English Dictionary!!!

Relatively speaking, I don’t have any complains from this ongoing traditional change. But what so ever, the equation of being polite and to keep one’s mouth afresh gives substantial maters of doubts. Any type of mouth fresheners like Pass-Pass or Minto fresh cant do enough justice on this issue neither I do expect much from any upcoming FMCG companies. It’s all up to the personal choice what to speak and what not to speak, why to speak and why not to speak, how to speak and how not to speak, when to speak and when not to speak.

The Monologue of Sex

2006-01-31T10:38:00.000+05:30

Now that’s how the world goes on, from the days of Cleopatra human intentions has grown beyond the limits especially in terms well written guidelines of lust & desire. Eventually lots of writers cropped in and wrote thousands of pages some abstractly & some specifically - on Sex.

Kushwant Singh – a sexually frustrated sardar and Sobha De – who knows more about her servant’s sex life compared to her own are just some examples who intentionally elaborated a topic which means to be pure & private in a well constrained dimensions but as we are killing the time, they gave enough reason to kill the sex out of you. Indian Culture is highly double-minded affair where we can find people of various mindsets and different ideologies. And in such context, we generally derive unwanted conclusion like fun, jokes, irony, horror etc out of such sexual propagandas just to cash enough money & time from silly & illiterate citizens.

Sex is pious and pure but we have very few people in our midst to take it seriously in terms of its application. As we discuss, pre-martial sex in an unwanted affair in our society. Just take a look, at the age of 13-14, a girl’s sexual hormones get into production and reveals various signs showing her sexual growth and at the age of 14-15, a boy also get into action in terms of masturbation. What these things means to you? The both sexes are getting ready for the most natural operation, which is an integral part of our evolution and here we the very people are deciding the cons of such operations. At the above-mentioned ages we almost try not to reveal these cranial secrets to them, eventually they look out for other medium to enhance their own knowledge and that’s where this mater looses its privacy and becomes a public propaganda.

As we teach our kids the language of communication, we should also emphasize on the knowledge of sex as per their growing age. As much as you are going to compress the spring, it will bounce back double. In the beginning you or they might feel bad about such kind of discussion, but please believe me, a well-organized and cohesive but a private discussion in two ways direction will help them to grow naturally as per the Feud’s psychological theory.

One-Night-Stand is applicable only when you are not connected to your partner emotionally. Whenever emotions comes into play, how deeply you want an ONS, it’s eventually going to become an unwanted affair in which both the partners or one of them at least will feel guilty-as-hell in later times.

Sex is good or Sex is bad? All the answers of such kind of questions are lying inside your own head. As I feel, Sex is a clandestine mater, which should be dealt with an extreme cautious when various relationships are under consideration. Too much openness and too much closeness both are extremely hazardous. Remember Love is not part of sex; sex is a part of love. So do love first, do sex later.

“Funda” “menta” “list” - India Class of 2005

2006-01-25T11:09:00.000+05:30

World is full of Fundamentalists. There classifications can compete with Archie’s or Atrix in terms of words and pages. Any way, In India it has its very own definition which as follows:

“FUNDA” given by “MENTAL” people in an abstract “LIST” is collectively known as “FUNDAMENTALIST”

To support that above “funda”, we got our very own live examples enough to kick out the real ass out of you. So buckle up your seat belts, if you had any… or else just forget about it, after all it’s India My Baby… Just break the broken rules.

Here I am presenting a List of newly acquitted Fundamentalist of Indian System, most of the rankers were extreme backbenchers of the class, but all due to good guidance and education given by our very own UPA (Ulta Pulta Alliance) administration, they have performed par above anyone’s expectation. Bravo!!!! This is the way that India Graduates!!

Fundamentalist Rank No: 1
Awarded to: MCD Delhi
Stars: *****
CGPA: 10/10

Mental Centurions for Demolition or Municipality Corporation of Delhi all are quite same. They came from nowhere and became India’s most wanted fundamentalist by demolishing some 18000 illegal constructions in & around Delhi. They proved themselves enough to scare the shit out of local citizen’s ass.

Their Anthem of MCD: “ Main hoon Don (Delhi’s Only Nuisance)”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 2
Awarded to: Merrut Police Department, UP
Stars: ****(1/2)
CGPA: 9.98/10

If you have a sexy girl friend and dreaming for a long drive, then don’t visit Merrut (U.P). Why??? Even holding her hand will get you a free trip to a local “hawalat”. And most of the male cops will give “hawa” and lady cops will give you lots of “laat”, and as far as the bonus rewards are concerned, you will have plenty of options to choose from lucrative packages including “Solid GPL (Gand Pe Laat)” from her parents.

Merrut Cop’s National Anthem: “Chod Diya Jaye… Ya Maar Diya Jaye…Bol tere saath kya suluk kiya jaye…”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 3
Awarded to: Natwar Singh & Associates
Stars: ****
CGPA: 9.92/10

“I am not Guilty”, ok boss we do know about it… so tell me now what to do?? “Tel bech so Gaya tu… marwane bhaita tera bhooth…”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 4
Awarded to: Lucknow Police Department, UP
Stars: ****
CGPA: 9.84/10

Are you Gay??? If Yes!! You are under arrest under IPC 377. Biggest blunder of its own kind in the land of Kamasutra where being a gay in past centuries was not a social taboo.

Fundamentalist Rank No: 5
Awarded to: D.K Panda (Former IG Rules-UP Police)
Stars: ****
CGPA: 9.81/10

Kalyug’s Radha, our very own D.K Panda got famous for his lipsticks, bindis, salwars, dupattas and of course his petticoats (who can forget that…). A public “pitayi (thrashing)” by her wife and a public dance with eunuchs was the talk of the town. Great Going Panda Ji!!

Panda Ji’s Anthem: “Inhi logon ne le liya Dupatta mera…”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 6
Awarded to: Gurgaon Police Department
Stars: ***
CGPA: 9.75/10

“Eh ki Honda Hai?” The ultimate tribal dance flashed all news channels, in which Gurgaon Police Dept. Pandus used their “laathi” skills to tackle 1000+ Honda factory employees who were mere a spectator for a peaceful cause which forced Harkishan Singh Surjit of Communist India to say “ Yeh Sab Honda Hai?”

Anhthem: “ Gur (gaon) naal ishq (police’s danda) mitha…ohhh ke rabba lagne kise nu jaaweee…Oh…oh rabba ishq (police’s danda) mitha”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 7
Awarded to: Shakti Kapoor & Aman Verma
Stars: ***
CGPA: 9.71/10

“Aaaoooo Lolitaaa!!! I am trapped in your booby traps.” Yes, this is the Shakti the power to propel female newcomers to the bollywood stardom where once upon a time when public used to search heroines inside a cloth, but now the same one are searching the cloth on the heroines. Happy Searching!!! Just Google It!!! Baby

Shakti’s National Anthem: “Aaaa Aaaa eeee ooooo ooooo Mera dil na todo…”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 8
Awarded to: Preeti Jain & Madhur Bhandarkar
Stars: ***
CGPA: 9.64/10

“I got raped by Madhur”, commented by Preeti Jain with a smile on face. Amazing…isn’t it?? No Further Comment!! …Please

Preeti’s national anthem: “ Satyam Shivam Sundarm…”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 9
Awarded to: Greg Chappell & BCCI
Stars: **
CGPA: 9.51/10

Greg Chappell- Dada’s nightmare played an important innings to destroy vagabonds of Indian cricket by disposing the former captain into the trash bin of BCCI Windows Operating System. Now it’s all up to the powerful compilers to use Alt+Ctrl+Del to reboot the whole system or simply expect a total crash!!!

Greg’s National Anthem: “Nothing else maters – Metallica”

Fundamentalist Rank No: 10
Awarded to: Mumbai Dance Bar Girls
Stars: **
CGPA: 9.49/10

From varieties of bustier-low cut/deep gully-backless cholies to mini-ghahgras, Mumbai dance bar girls are now looking for other professions to enhance the skills of jhatka and matka’s from dance floors to bedroom floors. All you can expect a new wave of fundamentalism approaching inside your bedrooms where wives have to be more compeititive and ready-to-be-banged to keep these dangerous sexually over active kittens out of the authorized perimeter. So a advise to the men –“play safe”, and a advise to the women –“be the strong opponent, keep other opponents out of bay and play WILD”

Those who missed the list of top 10 “fundoos” (missed by few inches only…):

1. Fire Brand “Uma Bharti”
2. Delhi’s Godfather-in-exile “Madan Lal Khurana”
3. BJP’s pracharak: Joshi the “Sex Machine”
4. Kendriya Loh Path Gamini Mantri (Union Railway Minister): Laloo Prasad Yadav
5. Praveen Togadia, VHP
6. Salman Khan, Vivek Oberoi and Aishwariya Rai.
7. Operation Duryodhan’s MPs
8. Amar Singh & his Tap Dancing skills
9. Ekta Kapoor and Balaji Teleflims.
10. Aamir Khan’s Mangal Pandey

My words: Since for prolong years I have given lots of fundas over this blog by using my dead-meat-a-like neurons and each fundas has accumulated into the archives which you can access through your left hand side given list…these lines are quiet enough to entitle my confession as a respectable self-conclusion of being myself a self-proclaimed fundamentalist of the new genre of blog sphere. I am really thankful to each and every soul at this blog for dropping by and giving me lots good piece of advises, love, devotions and etc. Too much to say… and too less time, so cutting in short… I would like to forward my deepest gratitude through my deepest part of my heart to every single soul who reads my blog and derives the happiness from my words & from me. Thank You!!!

A Langot's Love Story

2005-12-07T18:39:00.000+05:30

Langot - an authentic Indian word that means underwears. Generally, In India… the friendship kindles as early as at the level of diapers eventually leading the boys to end up at near by Paan Shop for a one great “Sutta – Marlboro Cowboy Style” and they always get ready to pass a whistle going through over Gupta Auntie’s silly point position to sleek and sensual Preeti, Miss Sai Krupa Colony 2003, Daughter of Dr. Mehra… etc. As her so-called resume goes miles over, but it’s all up to us, how much our memory can afford her!!! Or vice versa-, which we doubt through various angles.

The friendship, which nurtures at the level of infancy and later on when it, carried over to the next level is known as Langotiya Frienship. And the particular friends are known as Langotiya Yaars. This kind of friendship has a special rapport compared to any others. As they share same kind of thinking because being graduated from same school of thoughts-, there neurons (those which hadn’t decomposed yet) up above their brains have similar response time and signal delays.

As far our Ms. Preeti Mehra (Resume File Lost in Translation, Error 420!!!) is concerned, Langot A always remain excited due to continuous supply of threshold energy from Langot B. “ Yaar kya phataka hai!!! ” -, Langot A says these words with uneven supply of oxygen which eventually leads his heart beat to run above 120 beats/min at the level of 30ft building height. To see his Langotiya Yaar who is in need of fresh air, Langot B takes out a binocular of greater magnification and passes it over to Langot A. As we know very well, with the rise of altitude density of oxygen reduces… but when you are taking a breath-snatching look down below the badminton court, where Ms. Preeti is resonating from one end to another like Christmas Bells…is enough reason for a professional Doctor to assign a statement to a patient-, declaring him Complete Brain Dead! And at this time Preeti’s Dad, Dr. Mehra will definitely come as handy as possible… but the statement might look little bit different in this case.

Anyway the view of badminton court got a complete scan!! Interestingly, the newer version of Photo Adobe got uploaded in Langot A’s mind; his eyes were taking snaps of Preeti like Nikon SLR and later on at the Paan Shop he will pass on requisite information like Kodak Easy Share. Whatever… Langot B’s position is very much well defined, he is assigned as Auxillary Unit which means if by any off-chance Langot A fails in this recon mission, he will collect the necessary intelligence data and send them to Langot A’s house for further processing. Later on they will have a brainstorming session on their next move with another Marlboro.

Within few days Langot A hires an agent across the enemy line. 8yr Old Viki of Block C, who shares an opposite apartment flat next to Dr. Mehra’s. As per the supplied intelligence data, Preeti runs across the Colony every morning to maintain her 32-34-36 arround 6:15am. Very Next morning Langot A & B reports Colony Park to accomplish the next level of the Operation “Preeti ko Patao”. Both of them where warming up for the special operation and here comes the heroine, the target in complete red track suit with a pony tail over her head, carrying a bottle of water in left hand. Her face is full of elegance enough to shatter hearts of near by Romeos, but for the Langots it’s a Do-or-Die Mission and both of them knew quite well, it’s a war!!

Langot B made a trail over her orbit. Langot A took the opposite direction to circle the park arround and face the target from the front. First Circle got over, neither Preeti’s eyes nor Langot A’s eyes made any contact!! In Second Circle, Langot A was sweating like a hell but a soldier always gives a fight. “ As Things gets Tough, Tough Gets Going”.. Well let see how long this soldier can bear this trauma. In Fifth Circle, Langot A received a smile all over from Preeti, after all she appreciating a person who has never woken before 10am in his damn life, but all of a sudden he is circling behind the prettiest face of the colony. At least he deserves more than a smile!!

Any way…First Contact was over. What about Langot B??? Oh my gawd!!! He is huffing like a chubby frog. “ Bloody Girls and you specifically, kya kya nahin karna padh raha tere liye ”. Any way Langot A was happy with the morning mission. In the evening, he came down to colony parking, there he saw her all over again. This time he gave a smile to her; even he got her response before time. She was standing over the main gate of the Colony, looking stunning in Pink Salwar with enchanting eyes. Her every blink was like conveying some message to Langot A in the form of Morse Code of Enigma Level. And he took every single message with an honor and dignity. The flower of love was about to blossom, the myriad minds are going to be one forever. The sound of RD Burman music was playing all over his mind especially the tune of “Vaada Karo…” was repeating again and again on his demand. The Bougainvillea were glowing like French pinkish wine over a swiss cheese, setting up a most romantic atmosphere ever occurred in his lifetime. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here comes the Black Mitsubhusi Lancer with a stud inside. The sudden entry of the car disturbed the divine contact of love through their eyes. The Guy came out of the car, took Preeti by her arms, she was still looking at our hero with a desire, with a care, with a love. Langot A raises his hand to say the goodbye to her and his eyes were getting moist and a small drop of tears rolled over. It was more than enough to convince her how much he cared, how much he loved her. She got into the car, with her eyes still fixed over him; with the rising speed she vanished over the horizon of main road and its traffic.

Langot B was standing at the corner of parking lot, saw the whole episode through his naked eyes, he came over to Langot A and said “ Sometime we have to sacrifice lots of personal things to keep our personal beings as happy as possible.” Langot A looked at Langot B with a newfound respect and he learned a lesson to make others happy and to work for their happiness.

Months passes over!! Years Passes over!!! Langot A salutes his Langot B for the lesson of the lifetime. Sitting at the night-crawler's den, Langot A still remembers Preeti with his flash-back memory (128MB flash memory card), the images over the badminton court, the encounter at Colony Park, and the good bye at the parking lot are enough for his lifetime to discover something so worth full which can literally changes his perception towards the reality!! Still sitting over the office desk , Langot A is saying “ Kaash main tumse yeh keh pata ki mujhe tumse kitna pyaar hai.”

Oil Disco, Feat. DJ Volcker “Samba Mix”

2005-12-06T19:51:00.000+05:30

Characters:

Laloo Prasad Yadav the Gabbar
DJ Volcker the Samba
Natwar Singh the Thakur
Uma Bharti the Kaamwali
Daler Mehndi
And other peoples….God knows how many are they.

[A posh ass-shaking place (in one word it means disco) of our national capital, packed with prominent personalities gathered there to shake some real ass out of their rivals, Today, the Royal Darbar of Laloo the Gabbar is taking place with Great Enthusiasm, So let’s roll up!! Baby]

[Up above the dance floor DJ Volcker playing a song for the Laloo the Gabbar… “Aare dewano.jara pehchano. kahaan se aaaya main hoon kaun….”]

DJ Volcker Samba: Yo!! Man here I Come with the Don, shake up your body … shake up your booty!! . Yo!! Yo!! Yo!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Kaa ho gaya hai be is sasure ko?? Hey Samba, kya hua be?? Are yeh to ameriki hai.. pul gaya si.. Hey what’s up Dude???

DJ Volcker: Sardar!! Just follow the groove!!! .shake up your heavy ass, get your cholesterol burned up!!

Laloo the Gabbar: I got it!! Aur ab chup ho jaaaaa!! Nishit Kumar ne aise hi kaafi kuch jala dala. Nalayak. Darbari Mujrim ko pesh kiya jai.

Darbari: Jo hokum Sardar, Natwar the Thakur ko pesh kiya jaiiiiiiiiiiii….

[Natwar the Thakur, chained with irons and steels, enough to give a complex to Iron Maiden….]

[Laloo the Gabbar gave a ferocious look to our Thakur, and swiftly moved his head toward DJ Volcker Samba]

Laloo the Gabbar: Abe OOOOO Kalia, Kitne Oil Voucher the????

DJ Volcker Samba: Whatttt??? I didn’t get your bloody words!!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Main Pak gaya hun is Amriki Samba se, hey you dickhead, how many oil vouchers Natwar the Thakur received from Iraq??

DJ Volcker Samba: Sirf Teen Sardar!!

Advani the Gabbar: What a Fuck, Hindi answer for my English question!! Sirf Teen badi naa insaaafi hui hai!! By the way where is kalia?? Phir gaya su-su karne!!! Salary Cut!!!

DJ Volcker Samba: Sorrryyyyyy

Laloo the Gabbar: Exjhatlyyyyy…..

[Natwar standing. with his face up!!! And his face is draining out of all Oil he pumped in after his Iraqi Trip]

Natwar the Thakur: Yeh sara sar Iljaaam hai mujh par!!! Main anth tak laddooonga!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Hahahahahahaha… abe oh samaba dekh ka keh raha hai yeh sasura!!

DJ Volcker Samba: Sorryyyyyy

Laloo the Gabbar: Exjhatlyyy…

Natwar the Thakur: Jay Prakash Narayan chale gaye lekin tujh jaise papi ko chod gaye gabbar!!! Maa kasam mera Veeru aaj jinda hota to teri watt laga dalta.

Laloo the Gabbar: Ka baat karte ho Thakur Saab!!? Hum kono paap nahin kiya hai… Ask anybody at Bihar!! Shuruwat hamari Rabri se ,kijiyegaaa!!… tohar veeru ki aatma ko shanti mile…by the way.. aajkal Basanti kahan hai?? (with a wink)

Natwar the Thakur: Kaminee Kutteee!! Main tera khoon peee jaaaongaaa!!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Veeru marte marte apna bhoot Thakur pe chada kar gaya hai ka??? ..are O samba, jaa be .. get my last month’s bottle of malaria blood … jo humri body se Dactar Babu nikal waye the!! Pila de iss kutte ko!!!

Natwar the Thakur: Tu kitna gira hua insaan hai be. Tu mere aadarshon aur wasoloon ko kabhi nahin samajhsakta!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Chalo chodiyega !! bakchodi bahut hogayi!! Ab humka batao oil vouchers humko do ge ke nahin??

Natwar the Thakur: Kabhi nahin!! Yeh mere khoon pasine ki kamai hai. (with an emotional touch), By using these vouchers, I will get my son Jagat a new house, a new car and a new wife.

Laloo the Gabbar: Thakurrrrrrr!!! Yeh vouchers mujhe de de thakurrrrrrrrrrrr!!! , I want to replace my rabri with a brand new model from mumbai.

Natwar the Thakur: Kabhi nahin!! Marte dum tak nahin. Agar tune apni maa ka doodh piya hai to nikal vochers mere baiyen jeb se….

Laloo the Gabbar: Hahahahaha… bahut maja aayaaa!!! Hum ab bewakoof nahin keh laayenge!! Hahaha

[Laloo the Gabbar, gave orders to his remaining kun-klux-klan to take out the vouchers out of Thakur’s pocket. The emotion, The action, The drama, The Tragedy all were together over the face of Thakur]

Laloo the Gabbar: Chalo bhaktjano.. lets doo some boogy woogie!!! DJ Volcker …. Gawaiya badlo !!!

DJ Volcker: Sorrrryyyyyy

Laloo the Gabbar: Exjhatllllyyyy…

DJ Volcker: What a freaky Chirkut!!!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Sorrrryyyyy (raising his eye brows)

DJ Volcker: Exactlyyyyy!!!! Maa Boy!!

[DJ Volcker now playing great song “kaata lagaaa”. And here comes Uma Bharti, the fire brand Kaamwali]

Uma Bharti the Kaamwali: Abe O Gabbar, main do time jhaado katka nahin kar sakti tere disco pe. Kalmuhe.. apne Gayee aur bhaison ko tabele naam ki jagah par rakha kar.

Laloo the Gabbar: Chill meri Chui Muyi!! Nishit Kumar has taken back my old residence for official purpose. Shifting chal rahi hai… just relax.. by the way Rabri is out for shopping.. Jara idhar aa meri jaaan!!

Uma Bharti the Kaamwali: Kyun ab Basanti nahin pasand aati??

Laloo the Gabbar: Uffff!!! Tough Game!!!

DJ Volcker: Give it to me baby!!! Aah aaah

Uma Bharti: (raising her jhadoo and chappals towards Volcker) Beta bolo.. yeh dono cheez hai kya bhala!!!???

DJ Volcker: Inter Continental Ballastic Missiles!!!

Uma Bharati: Correct Answer!! Khayega Kya???

DJ Volcker: Sorrrrrryyyyy

Uma Bharati: Exjhatlyyyy…

Laloo the Gabbar: Oye Chamak Challo.. kya baat hai bade gusse mein hai???

Uma Bharati the Kaamwali: Nilambit hogayi hun BJP se.

Laloo the Gabbar: Bus itni si baat . kono pareshani nahin, Humri RJD mein hum Rabri ka replacement soch rahe hain. Ka khayal hai??

Uma Bharti the Kaamwali: Theek hai. Lekin hum koi 11 bachon ki Bihar XI nahin banana chahate!!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Ka re sasuri, humka koi Gavaskar samajh rakha hai, jab chahe balla ghumai de!!! Tohre saath hum net practice karenge!! (wink) with phultoo protection!!

Uma Bharati the Kaamwali: Kamina ka kamina hi rahega, burbuk kahin kaaa!! (with a disgusting look)

[She left the den hurriedly for her next job at Mogambo’s place….as usual jhaadoo and katka]

[Next Entry or No Entry, but here we got our Daler Mehndi]

Daler the Balle Balle: Gabbar Paaji, Whore ki haal hai???

Laloo the Gabar: Ab eee sasura kaun hai bhala??? aur hum ko whore kahai ko bulla riya hai???

DJ Volcker: Yo man!! I read about him on NYT!! The Indian got striped during a legal interrogation!! Tooo bad… by the way I am just gonna play his song “Kaala Kauwa Kaat Khayega”… Rock Up SardarJi

Laloo the Gabbar: Main Sardar aur who Sardar Jiiiii!! Volcker …Your all Intensives are cut!! Salary of this month- half the quarter you get!! Rock Up Asshole!!

DJ Volcker: Hey Sardar, that’s not fair at all.

Laloo the Gabbar: Sorryyyyyy

DJ Volcker:(Timidly....) Not Exactlyyyy...

Laloo the Gabbar: Wateverrrrr... So Daler Bhai Saab, Humri ka jaroorat aan padhi???

Daler the Balle Balle: Gabbar Paji, Main haan ek singer. Saanu twade mehfil de vich rang jamane de vaaste ... balle balle karanga!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Ek jamana tha, Basanti naacha karti thi mere mehfil mein, ab humka ek sardarji ka thumka dekhan padega??? bahut degradtion ho gaya hai humare prestige ka!!

DJ Volcker: to be more precise can we call it depromotion!!!???

Laloo the Gabbar: Chup Nalayak!!! Haan bhai Daler.. kahan se hilana pasand karoge??

Daler the Balle Balle: Jahan se aap chahe!!! Interogation de vich kaafi experience bator lee hai!!

Laloo the Gabbar: Chal Shuru ho jaaaa!!

[Daler the Balle Balle, started the chain reaction of his thumka but the radiation was far below the level of UN Nuclear Standards....whateverrrr.... the show ended with a puff...But show must go on(according to Raj Kapoor Only)]

[Laloo the Gabbar,DJ Volcker Samba, Natwar the Thakur, Uma Bharati the Kaamwali and Daler the Balle Balle are the part of our global role in the international vicious circle of global politics and crimes. The humor associated with this post lies in every single aspects of this imaginary bla-bla. Now its all up to you how you digest them. Some of the words used in the above post are very raw in nature,but one can't ignore it because the real stuff lies within the realities!! Your feedbacks and conuter-feedbacks are always welcome through a positive channel. Feel Free with your Guns!!]

Watch out for the Next"Oil Disco" Sensational Episode,Next week->Same Time, Same Blog with Same Action.

Indian Marriages, the midnight nightmares

2005-12-05T21:48:00.000+05:30

Indian Marriage- these two words are enough for any Indian family to get energized to “halal ” the next “ bakra ” standing in the line of execution. Quite similar to the death penalty it self, the occasion brings in various varieties of feast and their respective bees (invitees) to the beehive. Old ones like prospective Saas (Mother-in-Law) and Sasur (Father-in-Law) from the groom’s side are always over excited for the newest member of their family and remaining clans are excited over the specific material gains. And as far the Chacha’s and Mama’s are concerned from the both sides, they always get prepared with their “Donali- The two barrel guns” to shoot some imaginary asses over the dark black sky.

The process of execution starts with glossy & designer invitation cards with the words printed with bold letters consisting the name of Inmate and her prospective Lugai (the wife) and above all judges (parents) names who wrote the order of execution also gets special highlights. The name of pundit in the extreme left corner down the bottom of the card seems to be a great introduction of a “Jallad the executioner” of its own kind. Whateverrr, the first hammer gone on the table.

The next process starts with “Shagun Inter-Exchange Program”. Now that’s what you call a NASDAQ Trading Floor. Sarees, Blouse (of various sizes), Peticoats (of various dimensions), Sweets (of various tastes), Dry Fruits etc are the modes of trading. After this so called exchanges, respective teams discuss their gains and losses at their respective dressing rooms and figure out some more brilliant strategies for their next encounter. Hurray for Team India!!

Here comes the D-Day, the “Dulha the Groom” take martyr’s seat over a “Ghodi ” leading a big regiment of baratis with a band-baja. The bunch of young bloods jumping likes Daler Mehndis over the song by an unrecognized singer with an unrecognized voice. Some of the excited electrons of the outer orbit loose their valence bond and ignites the firecrackers to crack some real ass out of the passer byes. Unfortunately, if you are the one, Please from next time carry an earplug, a swimming goggle and an Oxygen tank to avoid such kind of undesired scuba dive.

On the gate of Dulhan’s (Bride’s) House, another regiment of holy “kasais the butchers” is standing with the necessary items to receive the Dulha. Inside the Dulha’s Mind, he was expecting more in terms of an item number by Mallika Sherawat, any way his day’s are going to over within a few hours. The grazing eyes of the groom are saying a last goodbye to every single pretty face at the venue with giving promises to meet all of them in his next incarnation. And my condolence goes with him with an assurance, Main Hoo Naa!!!

By the time he enters the Mandap the Butcher Hall, his eyes clashes with the Jallad singing the hymns of the rituals, whose every word is symbolizing the slow death of his bachelorhood. The old scratchy tape recorder blaring the music of Bismillah Khan’s Shenai resonating like supernatural background score.Then comes the bride loaded with jewllery like a woman commando of special forces, ready to kill through her beautiful eyes in the sense of "akhiyon se goli maare.. dhiciyaaaan".With the help of step by step processes, including Kanyadaan, Mangalsutra, Garlands and Saat Phere marriage gets over. The anamoly of such institution can be discovered in the later stages of the life. But the night goes on with a start of the new relations and Chachas-Mamas mili bhagat- The Donali Syndrome Prevails allover.

The Non-Vegetarian Indians

2005-11-29T19:51:00.000+05:30

For an American Hippie, India is a land of purest form of eternity on this face of our planet earth. No Doubt for him, but a biggest misquote for us. To be more precise on his behalf, he will be quite very happy to discover the free flow of Marijuana, Hash, Charas etc over the banks of Ganges without any enforcement problem from ATF (Arms, Tobacco & Fire Arms – a special American law enforcement agency working against narcotics world). And as far as our very own NCB (Narcotics Control Bureau) is concerned, just relax…. they have there very own salsa dance arrangements. (Courtesy: Mumbai Dance Bar Girl’s Association – At present they are looking for an overseas expansion, anyone interested???)

As we are quite familiar with our very own tendency to remain above all the purest form of humans… sometimes I feel quite lucky that we have got our very own Ganges running through the heart of our country. As long as its flowing… don’t worry …just commit as many as sins in your life and later have a dip at there for the cleansing… you will just feel like god and propel yourself for next cynical adventure of corruption, theft, robbery even rape too. Soon, Ministry of Tourism will put an advertisement over all the leading news dailies of India and Abroad with a slogan “ All Clear – Anti-Sin Shower at Our Holy Ganges”. Let Hope so we will get Saddam Hussein as our very next high-profile prospective tourist… even the offer is quite open for Mr. Bush also.

A newly renovated barbershop has been opened in the first floor of a complex, at the heart of Saharanpur City, UP. With great pomp and bang, the new establishment got the huge attention of the people. A very regular customer came to the locality for his menial need, when he discovered the shop’s old ground floor location. Along with he found a notice board with some written words “ Neeche ke baal upar bante hain!” Now that’s what we call a great Indian way to let our customers know about our address change. Watch out Harvard!!!!

“ Why not for a change: Let’s stop the self-flagellation and celebrate the positive aspects of our lives?? ” – Shobba De. I totally agree with her, Let’s stop it!! But can she tell me what next we should do??? No!! She can’t suggest a single thing for the mass. We, the Indians, the Non-Vegetarian Indians, our thoughts have evolved far beyond the imaginations of our Ghandhis and Sardars. And by passing time, the moral way of thinking is eroding like seashore. We have Shiv-Sena, VHP, and Bajrang Dal to enforce their definition of morality. The Game of “Sher” and “Bakri” will keep going on as long as someone gets our DNA transfused. (If it ever happens, I will myself go to Kashi and have a dip at Holy Ganges). Rebellion is not needed in the politics, economy, administration, law order etc… but its very much needed in our people’s attitude. As we know a very famous English phrase, “Your Attitude decides Your Altitude”.

The Long Hairs Story

2005-11-29T19:50:00.000+05:30

Ok I do confess, since last one year I grew my hair quite long and a ponytail has popped up, enough to give a complex to my local spiritual guru. The air of hyper fashion flowing through all the directions, we can encounter John Abrahams in each and every nukkad of our cities and towns. God knows about our Villages, if they do have any long hair maniacs like me, No doubt the business is quite productive for the FMCG companies at least they will be happy to tap the rural market simultaneously in upcoming fiscal year.

Those were the days when bollywood gave songs like “Yeh hai reshmi zulfon ka andhera hai na ghabraiyeee.” with a feminine touch. But my little mind boggles when I try to imagine such type of song with a masculine touch. What ever it might be, I am also just so curious about the new hair products like Silk n Shine, Levon, Sunsilk 9 to 9 doing lots round at near by superstores. A sudden boom in Hair Industry is definitely going to prompt technical institutions to start new courses like B.E Hair Growth & Maintenance Engineering and in future there might be some possibilities of post graduation courses like, M.S in Hair Base Chemical Engineering. Eventually it will prompt student from various engineering colleges to write GRE or GATE exams, a good score will catapult them to most promising career. Just because of Hair - economy will develop, education system will develop, and employment opportunities will get enhanced.

Darwin Uncle gave the concept of evolution to the world in 19th century. Once upon a time I saw his portrait at Indian Museum Calcutta, he had quite a long hair and a beard too. I don’t know what’s the blind truth laying behind his hair and beard evolution. If he were alive at this time, he would have got lots of endorsement offer from various international FMCG brands like Revlon or L’Oreal.

A new commercial is doing lots of action on air. Yes Please.. Any guesses?? Our very own Shahrukh Khan is doting with four beauties of bollywood and yes at certain angle you can point out his long hair. General prediction, from soap endorsement he would be soon moving towards shampoos and conditioners in upcoming few months. Now what’s the use of acting skill? , All you need a long hair to present yourself as a complete package for 2 minutes commercials.

Dhoni, our new star batsman of Team India, A long hair maniac with excellent batting skill. The way he attracts ball at the pitch, with same frequency he attracts girls outside the pavilion. And if you ever see him endorsing any shampoo brand in near future, he will start removing his helmet after each and every single stroke, and a small caption will follow below the DD Sport or TenSport “Koi Baal bhi baka na kar sake- Clinic All Clear”.

Now the new wave of long hair is catching all over the country like an epidemic and above-mentioned super-hyped Indian idols has given me enough reason to grow my hair little longer. (The authentic cure is in the hands of my Pappu Bihari Barber Shop) But, A little girl of age 11 month named Urmi; completely bald climbed in an elevator for 2nd floor. By the time I moved down to her height … to take her in my arms, the so called melancholy baby cry shattered my ear drums, all because she got scared with my long hair look. I didn’t believe to have such a great impression on a girl of her age neither I can expect anything more from a grown up one.

PAPPU I am coming…

God Day's Out

2005-11-17T18:32:00.000+05:30

Okay, all you non-religious, ‘people of no faith’, unchanged, atheists, scientists,CPIwalas,Congress-walas,BJP-Walas ,agnostics and secular humanists. I’ve had enough!

You people don’t hold a monopoly on virtue deficiencies. This is just propaganda. No longer will anyone believe that only the godless can be morally objectionable.

No, times are changing. And as people of faith have gained political power and celebrity status - they have captured the public attention. Soon it will be very clear: religious people are just as human as regular humans.

For too long has the collective unconscious ASSUMED that evil is only obtainable by forsaking religious doctrine. It’s a lie. I know you think to yourself,”This person is devout, they must be good - good at everything - especially judging.” This bias against religious people has to stop!
I know we all hold this secret prejudice, it’s understandable.

But let’s examine this for a moment:

Pedophilia: It’s finally known that you don’t have to be an atheist to be a child rapist. Men of God can do that too!

Seemingly random violence: It’s not just for loner, heavy metal fans anymore. You can now praise God (or Allah) when you blow things up.

Political corruption: You think only Quakers can accomplish that? No! Now you can go to a REAL church on Sunday AND break the law on Monday.

All people are equal in the eyes of God! Meaning, if you don’t believe in God - it doesn’t give you special permission to do all the reprehensible things people of faith enjoy.

Note this: We are equals!

Vande Mataram (Ande-Chai Garam)!

India Unsolicited!!!

2005-11-05T18:42:00.000+05:30

I got a SPAM email today announcing that I can put my name on the national ‘Do Not Call List’. Let me say this again: I got an unsolicited EMAIL about stopping UNSOLICITED phone calls. Im looking forward to the PHONE CALL about signing something to encourage the government to stop spam.

The thing that really bugs me is the totally pointless nature of this issue. The ‘do not call list’ is one of those bipartisan political platforms that EVERYONE has to agree on. It’s like standing on the position that pedophiles should be put in prison. Everyone can agree upon it (unless you are a pujari of a near by Sidhivinayka Temple - then that’s not cool apparently).

But MORE it’s like the products on late night infomercials where they claim their product can do AMAZING things then you read the small print at the bottom of the screen and all the testimonials are by actors and ‘results not typical - yours may vary’. Because really, the only people that call me are companies that I have purchased from in the last 18 months, politicians and non-profit organizations. The cases exempt for the ‘do not call’ list ARE companies youve purchased from within the last 18 months, politicians and not for profit organizations.

What does this list do? NOTHING. It’s like the airport security taking away a knife youre trying to get on the plane only for a flight attendant to give you a KNIFE with your first class meal(Uh yeah, if you think Im kidding, fly by JET AIRWAYS :: Mumbai to Kolkata!!) NOTHING.

So what are you going to do about an unsolicited phone call that DOESNT fall into those three categories? Report them to the authorities? NO. Youre either going to buy whatever they have to sell (which is why they call - because SOMEONE somewhere buys freshly minted coins with certified authenticity) or HANG UP ON THEM like everyone else.

As far as everyone whining about being interupted during dinner - USE YOUR ANSWERING MACHINE - THAT IS WHY YOU BOUGHT IT! You already spent money to screen callers - use it.

I rather my tax bills be stolen and used for CRACK than this FLUFF. I said it. I’d be happier knowing that some POTHOLE in Pune Roads was being filled in with platinum just for kicks than man hours spent on the ‘do not call’ list.

Signing up for this list is as stupid as signing a petition to let Jammu and Kashmir secede from the Union and just as effective.

Advance Thermodynamics Based Diet

2005-07-13T15:39:00.000+05:30

We all know that it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree Celsius. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat. For example, a dessert served and eaten near 0 C (32.2 F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 C (98.6 F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 oz., or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal/gm/deg x 37 deg x 168 gm) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalized. Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories. Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat, the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.

This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal/oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer. Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 C) and an additional 37 cal/gm to further raise them to body temperature. The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down.

Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) includes and opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza, and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.

We should all be thin very soon if we adhere religiously to this cold pizza, cold beer, and ice cream diet.

The Three Mosquitos

2005-06-28T17:06:00.000+05:30

"All for One,One for All"... these were the action lines in one of the most famous French Novel- THE THREE MUSKEETERS and last night ..these lines were resonating in my ears with a mix blend of mosquito humming and a shear motive of "Kill Bill Part 3".

Hot,Sticky monsoon nights are a fact of life in campus-- nights when the temperature and humidity are both up. The air is dead. Nothing moves. All the windows in the bedroom are open but everything is so still and lifeless and stuffy it feels like you're trapped, sweltering, in an airless coffin. You lie on top of he sheets and perspire and try to sleep, and can't. Hours pass as you drift in and out of a light, fitful sleep. At some point as you're dozing, perhaps finally tumbling into the deep slumber your exhausted mind and body crave, a sound rises in the darkness, a faint, distant droning sound that at first doesn't quite register on your groggy brain, slowly grows louder. Then suddenly it's right in your ear, buzzing full force, jarring you awake and upright. Cursing, you reel through the darkness for the lamp switch, and your half-blinded eyes search the jarringly illuminated room, and in your mind you hear yourself muttering its name like an oath.

As I have mentioned earlier,it all started with an Open Window through which they planned the guerrilla warfare under the blessing of Che Guevara.As we know,every single human being at his/her own domain(to be more specific..in his/her house) act as Fidel Castro and his 5 feet X 6 feet bedroom is nothing more than a Havana Salsa club...but I never expected,last nite salsa is going to be a full fledge battle dance.

The attack was preplanned and well executed one.The enemy behind the lines were well equppied with Night Vision Goggles,Infra-Red Imagery Systems,Global Positioning System...etc etc and not to forget the extra hi-tech drilling gun, a gun which penetrates and sucks ur blood as a part of their rendezvous.

Bush was quiet right about Homeland Security and his experience with Congress is a good case-study which I am definately considering to incorporate these policies within my own security sphere-will include storing WMDs like Mortein and Tortoise. Let's Hope CIA is not spying on my blog...otherwise I will be on CNN Breaking News for creating a mini-IRAQ and harbouring so called miscreants of various species.

As for myself, fascinated though I am by the prospect of the exercises that occur in Last Nite Terrorist Attack, I remain steadfast in my feelings of revulsion for the buzzing wings of a mosquito. I side with D.H. Lawrence, who described the sound of the mosquito as "a small, high, hateful bugle in my ear." Not yet enlightened enough to truly embrace mosquitoes, I think I'll probably just keep giving them the same old hearty handshake, that artificially friendly, two-handed clasp.

WHITE FLAG!!! I DO SURRENDER!!

Heavenly Bodies!!!

2005-01-20T17:29:00.000+05:30

Isha Koppikar-Great Jhatka-Matka
,Malaika Arora-Great Fine Legs,Amrita Arora-Jesus Need a Condom,Mallika Sherwat-Lots of oomph!!,Koena Mitra(The New Entry)-ESPECIALIY NO COMMENT, are new Sitas of our new generation Ramayana which is "on air" all the time to make other ladies feel the real hotness of J-Factor.

"Describe your body," I asked a girl who is five feet eight inches tall, broad shouldered, large breasted, wide around the middle, with rather slim legs. "I'm fat," she replied. "Describe your body," I asked another girl who is five feet tall, has thick calves, thighs, and hips, a narrow waist and small breasts. "I'm fat," she told me.152lb Can she accurately describe her body? Or is her perception one of generalities? Are these generalities agreed upon by her peers?God knows why!!! from that day onward, I never turned that question to any other girl...FORGET Abt the women(They are Gonna crucify me..lol)

One of my cousin sister,called me up on the new year eve .I asked her "Whats your new year resolution??". She replied in a determined voice(as great Mayawati is online..)-"I just wanna look like Koena Mitra,slim and trim....I am launching myself for a diet-war.."!! Amazing...If we get few more followers like her definately Food Corporation of India has to build 100 more warehouses for the food-storage..and the great concession will be given to the community of Rats.

The body consciousness is not associated with only girls,but boys are also putting some "dolle-sholle" to attract the honey bees.But it depends on latter to find out,how much honey they can extract at a one go..lol(wink)

A girl crosses the street,A group of Boys activate there pointer by launching the words "Kya Rapchika Hai!!!".."Oye Yaar kya figure hai!!!! 36-24-36"...."Oye kya sex appeal hai!!!" .."Oye Main Marjawaan Gur khake tere naal.."..Yaaah,may be for the girls these all are involuntary and cheap remarks...,but as I feel,these are there moral boosters...after all ..spending months and months on tastless-calorieless food,the results are coming in by the virtue of our Great Words!!

But as I believe,There is always something beyond the looks and body,And its a good heart.Being tender,considerate and understanding are far more valuable assets than being good-figured or well built.Yes, one needs to be strong but the both sex should have a clear idea of what strengths they are talking about and are expecting from each other.

Rolling Stones...or Rolling Balls!!! ???

2005-01-12T19:01:00.000+05:30

6:00AM,a so-called soothing music blaring at highest decibel from the nearest point of my own national boundary and forcing my killer instinct to launch all my inter-continental ballastic missiles at a one go. I got up and marched on with an articulate hip-pop steps... just like Shashi Kapoor followed Zeenat Aman in "Satyam Shivam Sundaram"...

Knock Knock Knock..., My dearest neighbour, Mr Majali opened the door(Alas!! His Daughter & My Zeenat Aman was beyond the visible range..),I enquired about the Music and he replied with a joyous mood,if some-one has asked about his family contacts with that stuff, "Rahul,its a authentic carnatic music from Canara Region...". At first , I thought he might have mis-spelt "Canada"...but any how he enhanced my knowledge of geography,by letting me know about that place(mangalore region..). Any way ..his wife joined the conversation,"Rahul, do u liked it?? ..u can take some CDs from us.". An offer of weapon by an enemy side..thats what I call a height of phsycological warfare.I left them with there kind of music.

Any way...thats how my day was launched!!! By the time I was back to my flat,the carnatic music was at a full blow and Nishit M.V,my batch-mate,an animal of his own kind started blaring all his Creative Speakers with the help of Linkin Park. The song was "In the End..." and finally I was crying for the End. I have encountered many Indian Rock Fans ..like my another batch-mate Swapnil Das, he is fond of Metallica and Gun's'n'Roses..but ask him about the lyrics of "Nothing Else Matters..." or "Knock..Knock Knock Knocking at the Heaven's Door"...!!!..He can't carry out the flow beyond the first two lines... so what you can conclude out of it!!! ..The people like these are completly a bunch of movers who just know to follow the crowd just for the sake of the public demonstration of their westernisation.

My neighbours were not the only which go terribly wrong in each and every morning.Much of the main-stream rock addicts and classical freaks too swallowed and then uncritically propogated the "Feel-Good" factor.There was something more troubling about this disconnection between perception and reality,one which reflects a large divide in India's "Good-Morning-Music-Taste".

I would like to extend my thankness with incorrigible stubborness.Every moment that someone pulls back me from my habitat forays into their nosiy barbarism and butchery( of morning peace...) is a moment for which to be grateful - grateful for the flourishes of my neighbour's mercy,love,compassion and common sense.(God Help Them Please...!!!!)

Real devotees of the Rock are indeed fanatics.They are less bothered about what is happening to their "nearest world". And when I ask them ...what they finally get out of it...They reply in a polytonous tone .."PEACE!!! MAN!! PEACE".If thats the way,a society can achieve peace...hope so next time if there is any border clash between India and Pakistan...we can hear them with Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath blaring,through each other's artillery unit.

A morning according to me should be peaceful and calm...not like this.But,we the Indians have all kind of tendency and authority to promote our own Lata Mangeshkars and Kishore Kumars at the wee hour...no mater of what...how bad it is...how worst it is and how disturbing it is and more than that, we claim this self-proclaimed talent as a part of our intellectual property.Amazing!!! isn't it??

The peace we all seek is attainable within ourselves, and as we reach these moments of peace the effect will ripple out into our personal lives, into our families, into the communities that we live in and I believe...Music plays very important role in it.

A music should provide so much space and air that it should stimulate your mind and body at a one go. Every kind of music has its own tempo,power and time of occuring.A mytic would say pure music is transcedence. A mystic-manque,on a more worldy plane,may say communion.A syberite would say "Orgasm on Ecstacy".Myself,I have know nothing better than the strumming out a good chord on my guitar.It is in Shakesphere's Word, Better than Sex.(wink!)

Final Conclusion:It is up to us to create the world we want to live in but the out of seeking comprehensive and contemporary nirvana(especially in the morning..) demands denial and I am feeling quite lucky for not having a drummer,as my neighbour,as a final solution driven by millenial strategy.(laugh...not the final one yet!!)

One Cup Deepak-Chopra Please!!!

2005-01-11T12:17:00.000+05:30

We all have seen Coffee-Maker Machine,Tea Maker Machine,Soda-Maker Machine... and as the height of spirituality & self righteousness increases in day to day life...ultimately we come across with "Deepak Chopra-Maker Machine" and by the time we try to enlighten our spirits, we get One Cup Deepak-Chopra Instant Spirituality at Certain MRP(Market Retail Price.. with or without any Service Tax...)

Our is an era of post-instant things.Last time when I visited a Local Spiritual Guru,all I came to know is "Yeh Sab to Moh aur Maya hai!!!".... ironcally one girl name Maya was there for consultation(whom i know through internal family contacts...) and by the time I touched the road to the prediction(towards my home...),I was energised by the "Moh" of that "Maya". God Help me!!! or he may have better work to do. But the way the people are selling the instant-spirituality in a container(Tetra-Pack ...),I myself getting confused with the outcome.

A Naga Sadhu!!- A Moving Indian Nude Art Gallery, Spiritualy High-lighted,Doped to the Core and to be more specific, "A-GONE-WITH-THE-WIND" case and to be pitty on everyone's behalf,we are the same people who are promoting these people and de-Promoting the Deepa Mehta's Water(it may be Naga's Water for shower...).

When I drive or walk in a City like Mumbai or Calcutta or Delhi,on the street we can see the new generation of punk, street genX.With a photograph of Maa Kali or Durga or any of 1,00,000 gods(a 1,00,000 reasons to do this show..),they approach with a siren of agony and shoot,"Saaab, Bhagwaan ke naam par kuch de do!!" and by the time they leave you, you can imagine the incoming siren has been transformed into siren of Victory!!!! with a song " Kaata Lagaaaaa haaan Laaagaaa...". Ofcourse "Jor se Lagaa.!!"

India,My Country, A spiritual den full of unwanted spiritual goats, a place where our highest spiritual leader, Swami(God-Man) of Kanchi,toggles between the jails for the crime like Murder!! and some are staying aloof with all the materialistic pleasure at the People's and Governmental expenses.(Check out Chandraswami...)..and some are like our dear Deepak Chopra,by exporting Indian Culture and Tradition without any custom duty(hope he don't get involved with FERA Act..).

More than a Spirituality Boost,we need a Right Consciousness.Consciousness is made up of two elements, awareness of self and things and forces and conscious-power. Awareness is the first thing necessary, we have to be aware of things in the right consciousness, in the right way, seeing them in their truth,and point my words,awareness by itself is not enough.

(THESE WORDS ARE DEDICATED TO ANU GULMOHAR,DELHI...hope she get's my point clear)

Materialistic GenX

2005-01-07T17:00:00.000+05:30

"Working On and On and On... till you get exhausted!!"- A kind of Junoon which gets you on TOP GEAR during your professional days which leads to a good job,a good house(3BHK Flat..),a good car(Toyota Camry..) and a good wife(hope she can cook well...) and when you are on the doorstep of retirement,you are surrounded with bunch Children and GranChildren...the Show is Over!! Lights Off!! Sound Off!! Pack up!!!..

Everybody have its own dream and most of them are giving them up or a kind of sacrifices in the name of family,in the name of society.I am a big proponent of balance. Everything has to be just so. I believe that we should all strive to obtain balance in our lives. Balance between career and family. Balance between public and private. Balance between spiritualism, finances, and materialism.

When I asked my Dad, what was his childhood dream???,He replied in a polytonous tone..."My dream was to be a Railway Wagon Guard!" and the reason for that.."I wanted to see the new places". After 25yrs of service life,a engineer-cum-manager,he had been to Iran,Iraq,Russia,UK,USA for his official work..but still there is child within him who wanted to be a RAILWAY WAGON GUARD!!!.In the rush through our hectic days, many of us are so busy being "adults" by addressing our responsibilities and obligations that we forget there is still a part of us that is essential to our well-being and happiness....the child within us.

Gaurav Kumar,My senior at GIT,placed in Mahindra-British Telecom through Campus-Recruitment.Salary Package-24,000/-.He is happy,we are happy.But he is sad about the way we are turning up to this new century.All of us in one way or other have become more materialistic compared to our previous generation.He questions WHY???

In other hand take MunMun Gupta from Delhi,who wanted to be a Principal of her own school and more than that she wants to open that school somewhere in suburb zone.To achieve her dream,she is working on her masters on english,and later on ...she is planning to pursue her doctrate.At present she is helping her aunt to run a Play School and Vocational Institute at Delhi.She is happy,but she wants more!!! more out of the society,more out of its own people!!! She questions HOW???

And last not the least,I will take the example of bunch of guys from GIT partying at Calungute Beach,GOA on 31st Dec,2004.A night to celebrate,A night to forget the fears,A night to forget the pains,....and so on. The whole group questions WHEN?

All the three people mentioned above have a child within because a Child can only ask questions like WHY? HOW?WHEN? WHAT? and adults are the personality who killing these question within themselves by showing up their growth of maturity.It is my belief that child deserves to be, and should be, acknowledged in order to maintain a healthy balance in our day-to-day doings and also to remind ourselves of the fun and joy that exists in each one of us.

It is very important to realize that we are not an integrated whole being - to ourselves. Our self concept is fractured into a multitude of pieces. In some instances we feel powerful and strong, in others weak and helpless - that is because different parts of us are reacting to different stimuli.

Consider that, it is better to understand the need instead of rejecting it because each event in our lives allows us to move in a new direction. But, realize that we can choose the direction and the outcome of the change. It is not some random event, but instead, an event that occurs based on decisions for the future. Instead of accepting imbalance as an effect of change, learn to create imbalance as a force of planned change.

Swades - A Movie Review

2004-12-30T14:30:00.000+05:30

There were the times when "Do Bigha Zameen" type movies showed real mirror image of Rural Indian Society of Early 1950's.And even now it is a part of gossip at various film fests and gathering.

"My country is not great...but we can work to-gether to make it great"

A dialogue of its own kind...and tell me how many of us ever thought like that...thats true we do complain about our system..but have we ever given ne efforts to rectify it...NOPE.

"I Guess You people are used to this Darkness...how long you guys are going to stay like this.."

Another power packed dialogue....through the centuries We,The Indians are thriving on Ideologies,and never tried to accept the Ideas. The Power generation concept by Mohan Bhargav has transformed the life of a village,a vision always depends upon the Effort and thats what we are lacking in.

"Saab Paani le lo...25paise"- a water-boy who was selling a cup of water at AJITE Station.

As we debate over various TV channels ,India should get permamnent seat in UN Security Council...On what basis we support that...??? Just by making few nukes and launching space vehicles doesn't transform us into a super-power...More than those nukes...we need basic infrastructure like Education,Sanitation,Rural Employment...etc for our Agriculture-Oriented Country.

A country which cannot provide these basic ammenities to its own citizen, dun make me feel to be proud of calling my nation a great place to live and die.

"We re fighting within ourselves,the problem is within us"

A statement to be accepted at every counter of discussion.We have quality of not allowing others to thrive for success or celebrate the success untill and unless we too are in.Why we litter on road instead of doing the same in our homes??Why we tempt the traffic cops by money,instead of paying the fine directly??Why we put our all degrees on our name-plaes,instead of prooving its quality by work???Why we always say "Sab Chalta hai",instead of following those rules strictly??? WHY ??? WHY??? WHY???

There are too many questions to be answered...!!!but the same way we do have too many problems whose solutions are much needed at this moment.

So Let's Roll....

Sex and The Country(India)!!!!

2004-12-29T15:25:00.000+05:30

MMS Scandal ,A Scandal of its own kind has shaken the root of ethos of Indian Society. DPS R K Puram-A Top School of posh Delhi,IIT Kharagpur-A Top Engineering School of the Nation,Bazee.com-A Top portal of its own genre-leaded by a Harvard Business School Graduate.They all play themselves as Innovator,Catalyst,Facilator respectively.

Way back in 90's,if anyone was looking a bit of "Action" there were the usual sources: PlayBoy,Hustler,PentHouse and few thousand lesser known ones.

With the proliferation of Internet and Digital Media,the extent of sexual activity has extended over 10-folds.New advances saw the introduction of webcams and voice-chats which finally resulted into a GPRS activated Multi-Media Cam Phone.

Today, life for all of us, including the children, has become a race for one-up-manship with our peers; added to the fact that we have suddenly got exposed to the western way of life (the glamour part), we have suddenly started desiring many things that we see others have.

Porn is now a cottage industry.With a little help from a online transaction software like PayPal,free image hosters and blog service providers,almost anyone can start a service that caters to carnal carvings.

Third-Party(like the IITian Guy),free image hosters with lax laws let people upload questionable images that can then be called from blog pages.The People speak of are kids with DigiCams! So Now,while parents are actually bothered about kids surfing porn,the kids are actually creating it!

What's frightening however, is that kids know much more than their parents.What Worse is that they also know the system and its loopholes.

How bad will it get by the time I have kids of my own?Yesterday it was chat, today its the MMS and blogs and tomorrow it may be something else...

I think it's time that technology governing bodies,hardware-manufactures,programmers,government organisations and police forces work together to create a standard for safer use of Digital Media over Internet for our upcoming generation.

Censorship is definately not a solution.Awarness is.What is required is that parents talk to their kids.Hear them out and the people of our genration(early 20's) should also work on this particular regard as someday in future,we too going to become someone's Dad or Mom.

Understanding that 2000s are not the same as the 80's and 90's in which we grew up.The equation has changed.Life is faster and digital mass media has crept into evry facet of our life.We have to take some step to ensure the safety of our kids and We have to do it now.It's not easy,but then,nothing ever is.

SYSTEM FAILURE--> System Back On Grid

2004-12-28T15:22:00.000+05:30

Whats wrong with this system??? That was a humble frustation ozing out at the speed of infinity from the very deep inside of a Bengali Bhadralok(Gentleman) at the Coffee House,College Street,a place full of Intellectuals.

No mater of what the way 70's and 80's has turned up into the history books of all the schools and colleges,the answer still remains far below the Mariana Trench of Bengali Society.

Bengal was the land of Rajarammohan Roy,Sri Ramakrishna, Vivekananda, Netaji etc.Now..The Communist,The Mamta Banerjees,The Corrupt Calcutta Muncipal Corporation Officials,The NEVER-SAY-I-AM-A-STUPID attitude of Bengali Mind-set has resulted into a Huge Individualism at the national level and the effect of which we can see and feel in the form of NON-BENGALI NATIONAL LEADERS.

The Probasi-(Non Bengali Residents),They mostly complain about Calcutta and its System,a place they are happy to leave behind.I,Myself brought up at various places in India and Abroad but I can still feel the gravity of calcutta, a pull which I can't resist, an urge to be there,a feeling to know more,to explore more.May be I can't be absorbed so easily...but yes I am ready to get myself diluted with the feel.

The very nature of human mind is to think of reaching greater heights- but a certain thing becomes the object of defining this success. Itis essentially learning, wisdom and knowledge in abstract terms.

In material terms either name or fame or money - the lucre plays animportant role in this world today - it is something that everyone needs how much ever you deny its need. It is something that should be used and not be run behind.

A reason to stay Gum-Naam(Nameless!!!)

2004-12-27T15:17:00.000+05:30

It all started with a joke and ended with a disaster!!! Accidently or Fortunately I yelled one of my best friend's nickname at a public gathering which resulted into a BOILING POT!!!

What is Mummy calling you??Dinku?? Why is a woman in dotage called a Guria(Doll) !! As if the Lolos and Bebos of Bollywood were not enough,even actress Amrita Singh got away with being called Dingy!!! Gues,not even fame and money can erase (in)famous nicknames.

What about the cars,scooters,three-wheelers and rickshwas sporting "Sonu aur Monu ki Gaddi?" Spoilt for choice,there is Tinku,Pappu,Daboo,Kuckoo,Dolly....

Somewhere along the way, a girl with a beautiful name like Kavita got stuck with tasteless Pullu, and mysterious Chirag(One of my close friend,pursuing MBA in Australia)disappeared and appeared as Bhola.

Poor sense of humor or a twisted way of parents showering love and affection on their beloved child?? Or is it comic relief from difficult-sounding names dig out from a SANSKRIT Dictionary?Like an Ekagratam,Tanmeye or a Tathagata(Thathu...!!!)..lol

Wait for my NEXT Re-Entry
Rahul

Zebra-Crossing!!!

2004-12-26T15:02:00.000+05:30

In India all things are treated alike.while a green signal means go for traffic,it is a green for our pedestrians and yesterday I witnessed the most latest ongoings of this OLD TRADITION.

Jumping before a speeding bus to cross the road,an elegantly dressed woman,balancing on a pair of stilettos can get across quiet easily.Her modus operandi is simple: she STOPS traffic. The cars slow down,buses stop hoping the madam will hop in.And before anyone knows it,she is safe on the other side.

Cut to the great Indian Family on the road.The thrill of crossing the road is immense.And the exercise is undertaken with full preperation.Members of the family go into a huddle,hands are held,fists clenched.Somebody emerges the leader,his eyes fixed on the road.Once he decides to cross,the rest of the gang are AUTOMATICALLY PROPELLED forward by sheer momentum and God's benign hand.Nothing can beat the pace of our JANTA.The cross-over is complete.

In this age of instant coffee,instant money,instant messaging and instant crossin,why walk all the way to those silly-looking black and white stripes.They are only meant for the traffic "Pandus!",making there jurisdiction and office space.Beyond the stripes,self rule thrives.

Wait for my NEXT RE-ENTRY!
Rahul

Equality For Men

2004-11-29T10:54:00.000+05:30

Why isn't there equality for Men? Regularly in the media I see advertisments that are insulting to men, but these are allowed because 'Men can take a joke', but if a role reversal were to occur and Women to be put in positions that I regularly see on TV there would be uproar because it would be labeled as sexist etc...Now all I have is anecdotal evidence so far so take a look at some of this sexism that effects people like me.

I'm an engineering student which is generally regarded as being quite difficult and also being predominantely a male course of study. To address this gender imbalance the government have created MentorLink. The program is funded by the government so it has in my opinion a duty to not be sexist but it clearly is.

Mentorlink aims to address the following areas:

* The lack of young women entering engineering programmes
* The retention of female students in engineering courses
* Equality of opportunity and support structure for female graduates entering the workplace.

This innovative project is based on the need for a support structure for young women entering the engineering field, whether as a student or in the world of work. It is widely acknowledged that mentoring on an individual basis provides this support but no provision exists for this at present.

Now why the hell is this needed, who cares who does engineering as long as people do it. There is a shortage of people doing engineering in the country and yet the government has decided to focus on one subsection of society in it's efforts to increase these numbers. Now maybe an arguement could be made for a program like this is one's existed in course where the gender imbalance is the other way around, but to the best of my knowledge no such programs exist. In Medicine where 3:1 female:male ratio exists there are no support structures to address the imbalance.

I want to know where is my support structure? Where is my mentor to guide me through college? Why doesn't anyone get upset about sexism like this?